Powder
folly folly of today
fool is folly to assume the enemy
the folly of living without price "
" The fool "- Silvio RodrÃguez
I realized that something had changed since that day you walked barefoot from the front door to the chair and felt the soles of my feet rough. I sat down, and lift, I noticed they were gray. You've never stopped to accumulate even the thin film of dust on my furniture, my ornaments and less on my parquet floor. Then I felt a chill. Security had decided to ignore those patriarchal impositions forced you to learn and follow in exchange for a meal and a warm bed, cleaning, cooking, shopping, doing laundry, do not touch my books, do not turn on the TV unless out for view programs that you did not think too much, ask permission to leave, talk, think, be quiet when I speak, shut up if you do not talk, go out together, get to the exact time, kneel down like a bitch and spread her legs every time I wanted. So I wanted because I had nobody and your need was greater than your pride, right? It was ever thus, no doubt.
The day that I found, had a picture of her when she was young. Ella. They say I look like her, I inherited his eyes. And his eyes looked at me from that photograph that I served as a reference. Had to be among those faces blackened, those bodies starving, those dirty feet. Then I saw you, you smoked in despair. Pasta , sure. Sure you were hungry. When he saw me park the car next to you, you smiled with that same pained expression she had on that photo then crumpled in my hands. Also had sunken cheeks and those long legs and light poles that made me remember all the times she went to work dressed in miniskirts and heels and carrying a suitcase. I laughed out loud because I knew he would not return for several days. That was it, did not accept treatment for a night. least five days, my love, and I'm in two hours anywhere. How happy was I at that moment, as happy as when I got the car, took you by the wrist and I promised you all that I promise to come with me. And in that restaurant I took you, atragantándote with fried rice, you agreed not to return to the alley that smelled of shit and to get what you never had, but not for me to do with you what I could do with it. Why did I do wrong?, Wondering every time you ended up bleeding, or so tired that you could not even open my eyes. Because she did it to me and worse, worse ... better orphan, orphan better, better orphan, repeated like a mantra and then gave you a slap in the mouth to shut up and laugh out loud when your lips were stained red. How stupid you were, how stupid.
But I know you've changed, I know that some frames and I admire you because I long ago did the same. Why me? Revenge was not against me, asked when I told you. She took off when he realized that something had changed in me, it was with the suitcase, with the heels, with the miniskirt, five days, five just five days and everything would end or begin, but no, no. How stupid you are, how stupid , I said and closed the door smiling and you shut up and fulfill your role, bitch, do not ask me again about it! That day I looked for the first time with hate and probably wake up from lethargy. Now I'm afraid because I know I'll pay for every hit, per brand, per violation, per dish washing, for every button you've sewn for each night you spent awake for fear of a dawn dead. Best orphan, and I say smile. Then I go, I hope, lovely, I hope as much as you want and how you admire. I hope you smoke and dirty feet, as I found you.
© Jennifer Thorndike
Hello, Goodbye
Lee analysis story written by Esther Castaneda and Elizabeth Toguchi here
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